Don't Forget
by tay07
Summary: Surviving as a new vampire is certainly difficult especially when those closest to you turn against you, except for one. Damon reminds Elena it's okay to breathe as she struggles with the emotions that vampirism has thrust upon her.
1. Chapter 1

My skin burned underneath the sweltering penetration of the sun.

Days like this always had me wandering.

Every single one of us had been gathered in the Boarding House. According to Caroline; a hot day like this should not be wasted. She was determined and stubborn as always, and managed to force us all into bringing food and lay around in the backyard of the Salvatore residence.

Bonnie, Jeremy, Matt and I were sitting in a circle with an uncomfortable silence vibrating around us.

Did Caroline really expect us all to sit through this endless awkward circle for hours?

Bonnie hadn't accepted me being a vampire.

I was struggling not to sink my teeth into both Jeremy and Matt's necks.

Jeremy was struggling and most probably restraining his body from sticking a stake through my heart.

Matt was forcing words out of his mouth to try and deflate the giant neon elephant that had taken place in the middle of our little circle.

Caroline and Stefan were muttering words to one another in the kitchen with the tap flowing, fooling themselves into believeing I couldn't hear every single word. He doesn't want to be around me, not anymore. Not after I woke up as a vampire. Yeah, he's trying but I think he's starting to lose hope in fixing me. Sometimes I think he's even losing hope fixing us. To be honest, sometimes I am too. Caroline is begging him to join us: to have fun and to keep fighting for me. A second later all I hear is silence from their destination. It becomes clear who won the arguement when I hear two sets of footsteps making their way towards us. Caroline bounces in and drives us all into a mundane conversation about graduation. I sigh and slump my forehead onto my bent up knees.

Damon, however, decided not to join the fun. Instead of begging him to join, Caroline hadn't mentioned his name in the fear that it would make Stefan run into the woods.

It took another 13 minutes before I had had enough of the sun tingling my skin, of the mindless and struggling conversation. Ignoring the confused glances, I jumped from my position on the grass and walked inside the library. As I was brushing my fingertips across the spine of the books I suddenly noticed another presence in the room that I hadn't before.

"Hi," I whisper as I let my eyes land on his body. As usual, wearing all black as he sits in the chair that I sat after finding out the truth about the Ripper, with the ever present glass of bourbon in his hand. The tingles on my skin that the sun left hadn't disappeared. They were growing, becoming stronger. I ran my fingers along the length of my arm, rubbed the back of my neck. Like I said, days like this always had me wandering.

"Hi," Damon voiced back, deciding not to look my way as he took another sip from his glass. "You don't want to sit around and gossip with the rest of them?" He spoke, even with the sense of gentleness in his voice it wasn't difficult to notice the strain of irritation that lurked underneath.

"Something like that." I mumbled, we kept our voices low and I couldn't help but notice that he still hadn't taken a glance in my direction. I felt the heat of the sun come through one of the windows. I couldn't stop myself when I walked closer. Now I could feel his gaze burning on my back. That's all I wanted at that moment: to burn. Hearing Damon stand up shook me out of thoughts. I hated these days, where the sun was so strong all I could think about was throwing my ring to the other side of the room and let the fire take control of my body. It was all I wanted sometimes. But then a noise or a movement would bring me back.

Not completely, never completely.

Instead the idea would linger in the back of my mind until the next moment where a ray of sun would so prominently land itself on my skin. I hadn't noticed the tear that had escaped my eye until Damon's face was in my view and he was tenderly swiping it away and his worried expression was all I could see.

"Hey," He whispered and he placed his hand on my arm, hoping to retrieve me from my thoughts. "What's wrong?"

"What's wrong?" I repeated, my voice suddenly finding it's volume. Damn vampire heightened emotions! Going from irritated to sad to livid in a matter of minutes, well sometimes even seconds. "What's wrong is that I can't be in the same room as my brother without wanting to feast on his neck! What's wrong is-" I spat out furiously before Damon interrupted me by talking and laying a gentle hand on my shoulder, bringing me back to reality.

"Hey, hey. Don't forget to breathe." He joked, doing that annoying eye thing of his but his worried expression hadn't disappeared. Suddenly, he had swiftly arrived by the entryway and silently nodded for me to follow him. With my interest peaked, the need to get away and the insistent strong pull that radiated between us, I did and not thirty seconds later we were in his camaro driving away. He didn't ask anything, didn't say anything, didn't make any assumptions. He kept quiet, understanding that I needed that.

The radio was playing, _too high_. The fight between controlling my emotions and breaking the damn thing was becoming harder. I shifted in my position.

_Don't forget to breathe._

Damon's word repeated themselves as a mantra inside my head and I'm not sure if it was the words or the velvet voice that managed to keep my emotions intact but whatever it was, it was down to Damon and I could never thank him enough at times like these where I could think about his words and let myself have a moment to breathe, to let go.

I started absentmindedly playing with my daylight ring. I had been doing that more frequently, I had noticed. I had also noticed that it became increasingly harder not to take the damn thing off.

_Bonnie._

_Matt._

_Caroline._

_Stefan._

_Breathe. Breathe. Breathe._

_Damon._

_Jeremy._

They were the people keeping me alive, knowing that I had them still with me. Knowing I had to survive, for them.

I begged my mind to run away from those thought._ God_, I begged.

Blood was flowing from the palm of my hands. My nails had pierced my skin.

I didn't even notice.

Taking a look at Damon made me realize how my actions had truly been.

I hadn't just been absentmindedly playing with my ring.

I hadn't just pierced my skin.

I had broken my own finger.

I had peeled my own skin.

It only took a second for it all to heal but I couldn't tear my eyes away.

_Ten, nine, eight, seven, six..._

I couldn't even hold ten seconds before I started sobbing.

When did I start to exist in a world where I could barely recognize myself?

Damon's hand fell from the steering wheel and took my previously bleeding hand in his.

"Elena, what's wrong?"

"I don't know." I blurted and immediately started to shake my head at my own pathetic answer. I never knew, did I? That had been my answer for so long. I never knew anything. Making the decision to try again and take a deep breath I managed to subdue my sobbing and find my voice, "All it takes is seeing a flame, the ray of sunshine, feeling the warmth of it for the emotions, the urge to crash into my body. It consumes me. All I want to do is take this damn thing off of my finger and let myself burn." The tears started to flow again but Damon was about to interrupt so I had to keep going, "But then I hear or see something and I'm back, I'm back here. I have to force myself to think about everyone. About Caroline and Stefan, Bonnie, Matt, Jeremy, you. I have to think about all of you constantly, or I have to call you to hear a voice or something just to know that all of you are still here and that I have something to live for."

"That explains all the phone calls." He joked, rising the frustration within me but before I decided to hit him he went on, "Elena, you never need to doubt that fact that we are all here for you, do you understand that?" I nodded. "But you're not just a vampire, Elena. You're more than that. You are so much more than that. I've never seen you like this, when you let go Elena, I've never seen you or anyone else for that matter, so alive."

He always knew the right thing to say, or maybe he was just always honest because let's face it, sometimes I didn't really appreciate the words that would flow from his mouth.

The tears had stop, thankfully. I squeezed his hand, letting him know that I was there with him.

"Thank you, Damon. Sometimes I really don't know what I'd do or where I'd be if you weren't here. I really do appreciate everything you've done for me Damon, thank you." Taking another deep yet unnecessary breath, "I really don't tell you that enough, do I?"

"You don't have to, Elena."

"Let's go somewhere. Just for a few hours. Like Atlanta," Feeling a little better, I tried a smile and even managed to find amusement within my own words, "without the whole kidnapping and saving your life thing."

He looked at me unsure before a smile cracked on his face and the car was suddenly flying down the road, trying to find the nearest bar that didn't include prying eyes of every Mystic Falls resident who had heard about the Gilbert girl in love with both Salvatore's.

* * *

We found ourselves sitting in a secluded booth at a random bar outside of Mystic Falls. Anywhere, really. I found strength radiating from Damon's eyes, his fingers wrapped around mine and I somehow managed to be honest. There's always been something about him that I've never been able to explain but he has this power in him that manages to make words tumble out from within me.

With my voice stable, I opened up. "I never wanted to become a vampire. Yeah, the thought of turning was on my mind considering... everything. But I always hoped that I would be able to escape it somehow. I just hoped that it would never happen to me. It hurts, I was ready and prepared to die. I've been ready since Katherine came into town! I thought I was dying and then I woke up. I woke up and I didn't want to and now here I am, wanting to feed, even kill, from most of the people. Even my own brother." I confessed after letting another shot of vodka flow down my throat leaving a burn. I couldn't bear to look at Damon, I knew he didn't want to hear these words from me and that they were probably hurting him as much as they were hurting me. But it had to be said, those words were the honest truth.

"Elena," Damon sighed exasperatedly,

"Please, Damon. Don't. I know I suck and you probably want scream at me right now but it's the truth. I suck at being a vampire." I chuckled before another somber sigh escaped followed by more liquid dancing it's way down my throat, "Stefan and Caroline don't like me anymore, I can feel them distancing themselves away from me, clinging on to the human me." The tears started to flow, "But you, Damon. You're here. I need to thank you because without you, I wouldn't... I wouldn't...You make it all seem better, Damon. You bring fun into it all, the fun of being a vampire and you bring out the energy in me that I used to have."

Silence fell upon us for a few moments, I wasn't sure what else I could say and Damon who always had something to say had decided to keep quiet. In that moment, I didn't know how Damon was going to react.

I jumped. Blood.

_There's blood somewhere. _

I could smell it.

_God_, I could smell it.

My mind got buried in the thought of clamping my teeth in someone's neck, biting hard and ruthlessly, letting the euphoric taste of warm, red, fresh blood flow down my throat.

I needed it.

My body reacted. My legs were carrying my body upwards, fingers tingling at the thrill of finally having fresh, human blood, my mouth watering. My fangs sprung down with life, aching to tear through the layers of skin and allow the blood to flow into my waiting and willing mouth. The veins around my eyes had lit across my face, showing just how hungry I was and the predator within.

With a step forward, I flew back into my chair. Damon. His fingers had tightened around mine and he had a hundred and fifty six years of strength against me. I couldn't help it, the predator within me had clawed her way out and growled at Damon for daring to rip my opportunity to get blood away from me.

My red clouded vision could make out his lips moving but the words weren't reaching my ears, I couldn't make them out. All I could see was red. _Blood._

His grip tightened, he moved his body from the chair and was now crouching in front of me.

"Elena," He whispered roughly, slowly, "Listen to me. You are a vampire. But that means you are also a human. You can stop yourself, okay? You can. You, Elena freaking Gilbert; are strong enough to resist."

Our eyes found each other and I squeezed his hand, the tension eased off his shoulders and the vampire inside of me noticed how he had slightly slacked his grip. Not completely, but just enough for my hand to rip away and for my body to get far enough to escape from his safety. I had two occupied tables between us, meaning that we couldn't really cause a scene.

Using my vampire ability, my body naturally flowed to where the blood was. The men's bathroom. Of course. Damon was a step behind me, letting me take control and see how well I could handle this. I barely noticed the man himself, all I could see was his palm under the tap letting blood escape down the drain. _No, no, no, no, no! _I flew at him, used my body to trap him between me and the wall that he had his back to. He resisted. He fought back, tried to push me away from him which made the predator within rage in anger. Without mercy, without tact, my fangs punched into his delicious skin and released the euphoric, flaming blood to dance down my neck and into my veins.

Damon's voice slowed my feeding, he was telling me stop. I could sense him coming closer. No, this was my body and my blood and he wasn't going to let it go to waste. I wouldn't let him. I felt the warmth of his skin on my shoulder, tugging me away and I used my foot to kick his knees with enough strength to force his body crashing into a cubicle.

_Mine_.

Once the body was weak enough and incapable of fighting back, I let my fangs retract from his neck. I half turned my body towards Damon and pressed the rest against my feed. I growled, "Stop, Damon. I'm hungry."

"Fine." My eyebrows shot up, "I won't make you stop if you promise yourself that you won't kill him." Once I looked into his fierce blue eyes, I couldn't stop myself from nodding and promising myself.

_I will not kill him. _

My fangs ached, the blood running through my veins were bouncing and bringing my body to life and begging for more.

_Don't forget to breathe. Don't forget to breathe. Don't forget to breathe. _

_Don't forget to breathe. Don't forget to breathe. Don't forget to breathe. _

The turmoil racked inside my brain and felt my body starting to shake.

God, I hated this.

Damon's concerned eyes poured into mine and his eyebrows furrowed noticing the war that was raging inside of me. Slowly, carefully, gently he came to my side and took my hand in his.

"Don't forget to breathe, Elena." He reminded me, his tone matching his gentle movements.

Something passed between us that I don't think I'll ever be able to explain but an understanding laced through both of our minds and together, with our hands intertwined and eyes locked piercing into one another, we turned towards the body I was still holding up who was luckily, still very much alive. In unison, we both sank our fangs gently into both sides of his neck and fed. Together.

Suddenly, it wasn't about hunger or winning or the blood. It was about control, it was about the euphoric bliss that passed through our bodies uniting Damon and I together.

We were slow, gentle, enjoying and savouring each millimeter of blood, each millisecond and each emotion that flowed through us. A groan escaped Damon's throat and his grip on my hand tightened.

We stopped and relief washed over my entire being when I heard the sound of a heart still beating.

Without taking his eyes away from me, Damon pierced his fangs into his other wrist and placed onto the lips of the human until he was healed. As he was coming back into consciousness, Damon nodded his head towards the body and took a step away from me.

He wanted me to compel him.

So, I did.

Feeling the force and the power behind me eyes, I pushed it through a pair of brown glazed eyes and confidently forcing, "You will not remember this. The pain, confusion and fear you felt is gone. You were bleeding, you came in here and cleaned yourself up."

Damon laced his fingers through mine again and we sped out before the man could see us.

A proud smile graced Damon's lips as we sat back in the Camaro driving around in the night, neither of us wanting to back to Mystic Falls for the time being.

* * *

Being a vampire is like being on rollercoaster. I woke up with thoughts of death and in a matter of couple of hours, Damon manages to change that. By the night, I had never felt such happiness, bliss and pride before. Knowing that I was capable of pushing the killer inside of me back and not only control myself during a feed but also enjoy it felt nearly as euphoric as the experience itself.

We drove around for a while in a complete serene silence.

Our hands were still intertwined and the smiles never fading from our lips.

I gave his hand a slight squeeze and turned my head towards his, giving him a smile of appreciation and full of thanks.

_Don't forget to breathe._


	2. Chapter 2

**Finally updating this story! I will attempt to update as soon as I possibly can although it might be a while. **

* * *

"I could do this all day, Elena. Sure you're not you ready to give up?" Damon chuckled before his body swiftly escaped my vision and I let my shoulders slump, biting back the words that were itching in my throat; that we had, in fact, been at this all day anyway.

_Here we go again_.

I braced my body, prepared myself to give that extra push so I could use vampire speed to catch up with him. As soon as I imagined myself running smoothly and rapidly through the woods, my body cooperated and I felt myself moving and even though it only takes a matter of seconds to travel a mile, it somehow doesn't feel rushed or bewildering. I'm always amazed whenever I stop, prepared to feel dizziness and to stumble. But I never do and Damon is always there to witness my split second of confusion with a raise of his brows. _Ass._

I attempted to use my senses to locate him but he had either ran too far or was hiding somewhere. My eyes immediately went up high towards the woods but I couldn't sense him, he usually left little clues so I could work on expanding my skills. No such luck this time. A frustrated groan rumbled out of me due to the fact that he had dragged me out of the house at eight am and it was nearing nine pm which meant that we had been training nonstop all day and his ego kept growing by the hour. It didn't help that whenever we had gotten close to one another I couldn't help myself but feel drawn to him. I felt a constant want to be around him. Whenever he wasn't around, I missed him. It wasn't helping that I was struggling with the whole heightened emotions thing. Really, really wasn't helping. There were too many moments where I'd that smirk surround me. _God. _I let another frustrated growl out, not capable of controlling or help myself. My mind had gone into a whole other place and instead of focusing and trying to find Damon in the woods, I was remembering our kiss back in the motel. I was still a human then, I wondered what it would feel like to kiss him a vampire; to feel it all, to experience the very positive side of heightened senses. I memorized what it had felt at the moment I finally gave in and rushed myself onto him and intertwined our bodies, let my lips finally experience his and how wonderfully intense it was as he let his hands explore my body and how his shirt was half open, bearing just enough of his chest that made me lose control. I thought back to the rush that erupted inside of me as we fed together, not too long ago, an act that was never spoken of afterwards.

"What's got you distracted?" Damon's intrigued and mocking voice pulled me out of my fantasy, I immediately forced my body to turn around and stand a little taller. One look at his knowing, cocky smirk and I knew that he had figured almost exactly where my mind had been at that moment. "You look flustered." He teased and took an assured and slow step towards me, forcing me to pop my chin up as he had decided to completely invade my personal space.

"No, no. I, uh, I just couldn't figure out where you were..." I let those words stumble as casually as possible from my mouth as I took a few steps away from him and attempted to distract both of us by redoing my hair.

"Oh, really?" The smirk grew, the eyes were more entertained than ever and his voice was full of assured confidence and mockery. "Elena," He stated, "I was standing behind you for a good three minutes." He let me think about those words for a few seconds and my eyes only grew and my cheeks got inflamed before he inquired, "Are you sure you want to stick with that story?"

_Fuck. _

"I got distracted. That's all." I mumbled, trying to desperately convince myself and trying to detach myself from whatever the hell I was feeling, "It's a part of the transformation, right?" God. Even I could hear the shakiness in my voice, everything inside of me was working on overload and I couldn't stand to be around him, not like this. I wasn't allowed to feel what I felt for him, I wasn't supposed to be feeling the need for his sleek lips to be wandering over every inch of my body, making me tremble and beg for more, never wanting it to stop and I definitely shouldn't have been craving to let my hands wander over his entire body and scarring every wonderful and beautiful detail on to memory. I wasn't supposed to be that person, I wasn't supposed to let them down. I wasn't supposed to hurt Stefan.

Damon didn't back down, he rarely ever did. Again, he questioned, "And what exactly got you so distracted?"

I understood that he was simply having fun and enjoying the moment, I knew he was flirting with me and that would have been okay because it wasn't the first time for us to behave like that.

The problem? I was enjoying it.

"Nothing." I smirked and decided to play along, "Did you ever think that I might have had a plan?"

"I hope not; you're plans have a tendency to fail." He balled his fists up as two bombs and pretended to let them explode as he dramatically whispered, "Epically."

"Ass!" I giggled before grabbing a twig from the floor and used it as a pretend stake and threw it his way, he caught it easily as I carried on. "I lured you in though, didn't I?"

"Yeah," Damon sighed and let himself wander for a moment before tossing me the makeshift stake back, "That's never difficult for you though, is it?" And even though it was said in a teasing manner, there was a force to his words that I don't believe he intended but they were there nonetheless.

I smiled, not sure what else I could have done. Putting a bored and tired pout on I tried tempting him to ditch the woods for Bourbon instead, "Are going to go again or do you feel like putting me out of my misery and going to the Grill?"

His face said he was less than thrilled with my suggestion as he grimaced, "The Grill?"

I sighed and smiled, "Don't make that face, you spend half your time there! It's a Friday night and with enough people and music, it could actually be fun."

"Wouldn't you rather we'd go to a place where we could do all that…" He paused for dramatic affect before stage whispering, "…and feed?

Rolling my eyes, I sighed, "Yes, I would. But I need to get better at pretending to be a human in Mystic Falls." I tried again, really pulling out all the strings. I walked closer to him, looked up from my lashes and pouted, "Please?"

Suddenly his hands were on my hips, his fingers dancing along tickling me because he knew that I wouldn't be able to take it. "Don't use your womanly ways to try and persuade me next time." He teased with a relaxed smile, after he stopped he didn't remove his hands from their place on my hips. My entire body could feel them there and my heart was biting wilder than I ever thought it could and with the look that he held in his eyes, he seemed to know exactly what he was doing. "Why can't we pretend to be human in…" He paused again, considering where we could go before suggesting with excitement in his voice, "New York? Or Spain?"

I laughed before we started to make our way out of the woods, I tucked a piece of hair behind my ear and took a breath. I looked up at him walking beside me and noticed that there was an ease to his entire being that usually wasn't present, he must have noticed that I was staring because he looked back at me, the smile still there. I took a chance and asked, "What's with you today?"

His eyes crinkled, confused as to what exactly I was asking. "Whatever do you mean, Gilbert?"

Again, I took a breath unsure if I wanted to press this but he seemed happier than what I had seen in a while and I wanted to know what was going on. "Well, you seem very happy and there's the obvious clue that you're usually the one who tries to tempt me to ditch vampire practice and go drown ourselves in Bourbon instead. But…"

Damon chuckled before dramatically fist pumping the air and whispering, "My plan of corruption has finally worked."

I rolled my eyes and nudged him, pushing him further than what I realized. He chuckled before righting himself and stepping to catch up with me. I tried again, "Come on, what gives?"

"I decided to abandon everything else that's crazy in our lives and enjoy today. Is that a problem?"

"No, not a problem at all." I answered proudly, a small smile still playing on my lips before I sighed and whispered, "I wish I could do the same."

Damon considered my words for a moment before he looked me right in the eyes as we kept walking, "Well, I hate to break it to you but you don't exactly seem sad today, Elena." I nodded with an acceptance as we carried on making our way, walking next to each other with a sense of calm between us yet my heart kept beating rapidly and my hand twitched, longing to feel his skin on mine.

Trying to escape the way that Damon's presence was burning through my very being, I concentrated my ears to hear all that was around me in the way that Damon had taught me to master. I could hear everything, from the wind whispering around the trees, the leaves flying with one another, the rustles of small animal feet bouncing on the leaves and twigs as they're running across the woods. I could even hear Damon's blood running through his body, the rhythm of his breathing.

We walked back into the boarding house with Damon recounting about the first time he got a hangover as a vampire and I couldn't stop myself from laughing as he confessed that the pounding in his head had been convincing enough to let him to believe that he was a human again, or that he had been at least dreaming.

Caroline made her presence and disapproval more than clear as she cleared her throat, "Elena, there you are." She glanced at Damon with a clear disdain before she carried on irritated, "I've been trying to reach you all day."

Remembering that we had plant, guilt flooded into my body as I apologized. "I'm sorry, Care. I left my phone here. I didn't want any distractions while we were training."

Caroling, being Caroline, could not resist the typical Forbes combination of the eye roll and sigh which screamed of disappointment and irritation. "Yeah. I thought that you'd be back by now though, you said you wanted to control your strength…"

"I am so sorry, I completely forgot. We just got caught up."

"I bet." Her eyebrows rose and she uncrossed her arms, she sighed and her features soften a bit before suggesting, "I have time now…"

I awkwardly looked from Damon to Caroline a couple of times before I told her, "Actually, we were just going to wash up and head to the Grill. Feel like joining us? I'll pay as an apology."

Another sigh and she shook her head before letting her voice raise a little, "You know what?" Caroline clamped her mouth shut and looked me straight in the eyes as she delivered her next few words, "Its fine. I'll just wait up for _Stefan_, someone should…"

Tears of anger, betrayal and guilt welled up in my eyes as I took a sharp breath. Damon was just angry as he forced his body in front of Caroline, forcing her to look at him and I could tell I wasn't the only on edge here as his body was entirely tensed and Caroline had already proved that her anger was more than present.

"Don't, Damon." I whispered, knowing he would listen and I just felt the entire happiness we had felt earlier deflate and dissolve away.

He mumbled a quick, "Whatever." Before he slowly made his way out of the entryway and up the stairs.

I waited until I heard his bedroom door close before I let the anger rise and nearly growled at Caroline, "What is your problem?"

Her eyes widened in shock, "My problem? Elena, Stefan and I have been trying to reach you all day. You said you'd be back hours ago! We were worried, Elena. I mean, come on, you were vampire training with _Damon_ and we couldn't reach either of you."

I rolled my eyes and ignored what she meant by those words, "I told you, I'm sorry. We just got-"

"Caught up?" Caroline interrupted me, her arms crossed again without saying the words that she wouldn't let leave her lips. Another sight and she went, "Yeah, I heard you, Elena."

I didn't want to be angry at her anymore so I tried to apologize, "Care,"

I wasn't allowed the opportunity to get the rest of my words out before she walked away from me and mumbled, "Go get ready. You wouldn't want to make Damon wait." As she made her way into the library.

I shook my head at her forcing myself not to cry or to let a burst of anger be lit inside of me, instead I did what Damon had been reminding me to do: breathe. As soon as I felt calm enough I let myself make my way up to Stefan's room so I could clean myself up.

* * *

"Another," Damon and I mumbled at Matt, holding up our empty shot glasses. He rolled his eyes before sighing, about to protest as he looked at me but one glance at Damon had him pouring the shots anyway and against his better judgment, left the bottle on the bar for us as well before mumbling something about Damon paying.

We had been at the grill for over an hour and getting increasingly drunk. Although I knew that it probably wasn't the best to get drunk while I still struggling with control, despite how much Damon had already drank I knew that he wouldn't let me do anything that was too stupid. I poured two other shots and by that point, I had drank just about enough to start letting words slip from my lips, "Caroline's right. I shouldn't really be here. Not with you at least." I mumbled while shaking my head, reminding myself of her words.

"Thanks." Damon declared sarcastically and poured himself another shot.

"I'm still here." I pointed out quietly before getting lost into my thoughts again, "It's just that… Do you see the same as her? That I-"

He interrupted me with a chuckle before pretending to be offended, "Are you really asking if I agree with the words of Caroline Forbes?"

I rolled my eyes and whined, hoping he'd give me a proper answer. "Damon, I'm serious."

"And drunk." Guess not.

"Fine." I was about to drop the subject and get another drink for but my stubborn self kept talking and I heard myself whispering, "What do _you_ think?"

"I think that you're drunk and talking too much." He deadpanned and smirked while doing that damn eye thing trying his best to distract me from actually having a discussion with him.

"Damon," I groaned.

He didn't even answer me. Instead I found him jumping off of his stool and the next thing I knew was that his hand was held out and his smirk kept growing, "Come on," he commanded before realizing that I wasn't moving and rolled his eyes playfully and pointed out, "you love to dance, Elena."

"It's not that-"

He interrupted me quickly, "Then what is it?"

I shook my head and took one more shot before making a decision. "Nothing." I stated and hopped from the stool and held onto his hand.

"Elena…" Matt warned, I looked back at him and I saw his worry and yeah, I understood why; I was about to drunkenly dance with Damon in the Grill. Yet, even though I understood that and knew he and everyone else wouldn't be pleased with any of it, I didn't really care at that point. I grabbed the vodka bottle from Matt's hand before he had a chance to react and poured myself another shot and turned myself back towards Damon.

There was a fire in me that night that not only took a long time to be lit but also, unfortunately, a long time to come back. With that strength, I looked Damon straight in the eyes and commanded, "Let's dance."

And that's what we did.

I loosely laced my arms around his neck and his palms were gently placed on my hips. I felt it, I felt it all through the fabric. I felt how his hands curved, the gentleness both of his thumbs radiated as they caressed my skin through the soft, black layer of fabric that hugged my skin. I could feel how his fingers rested on my back, holding me just far away enough that it wasn't causing me to go into an immediate panic attack. I kept my eyes focused over his shoulder and let everything else blur away as we held on to each other, danced and fooled ourselves into believing that we were not hurting anyone else, let alone ourselves. I not only refused to face the fact that I was hurting Stefan, that I was hurting my relationship with him but that in doing so, I was also hurting Damon and the relationship that he and Stefan had spent over a century repairing. I drew my body closer to his and reminded myself of all the hurt that they had both been through, the pain that started in 1864 because of Katherine and asked myself if there really was any difference between myself and my doppelgänger? As I slowly became undone under the pure temptation of Damon, I could no longer see the difference between her and I which I had so adamantly held onto ever since I felt drawn towards both of the Salvatore brothers. Despite all of the warning in my own head, despite my own anger and disappointment with myself, despite pairing myself with Katherine, despite the knowledge that I could and would hurt the people in my lives, I still allowed myself to give in to the temptation because that was the strength that Damon held over me, even though he wasn't truly aware of it himself. I breathed against his neck and allowed my breath to envelope his skin and was rewarded with Damon's arms tightening around me the slightest bit, alerting me to how I could affect him. With a bravery, bourbon and the lure of Damon's body, I brought him closer to me and pressed my forehead on his. I looked up and noticed that Damon was keeping his eyes shut. With that that knowledge, it spurred on my next movement and I pressed my lips just on the side of his; tempting him and needing him to be the braver one of us.

He tightened his fingers on my hips before whispering with a strained voice, "Elena, I don't think that-"

"Kiss me, Damon."

His eyes snapped open and he slowly pushed us behind a boulder by the pool tables, away from the view of prying eyes. My nerves and excitement were high, urging on my lust towards him but also heightening the beat of the heart pumping throughout the building. His arms were arched high as he pressed his palms high on the boulder that my back was pressed on, giving us own space. Damon's voice was tight, the difficulty and the fighting clear in his words, "Elena, we can't. God, I want to but-"

"But what? You've never been one to hold back before. Why now?" I whispered as my fingers rested on the curve between his shoulder and throat.

Damon's eyelids fluttered, the temptation getting to him as he confessed, "I've been holding back since the first time I saw you, Elena. Trust me, I've been holding back."

"So give in."

"Elen-"

"Stop saying my name." I interrupted him, again whispering as I kept on urging on the both of us. "Just kiss me before I lose my control, Damon." It was a warning to both him and myself, a warning that I was not going to last much longer.

Damon sighed as his body sagged a little over mine, "I'm not going to kiss you so you won't feed on someone, Elena. You can fight that battle on your own."

Closing my eyes and holding on to the confidence, bourbon and temptation that was urging me on, I breathed and confessed. "I'm not talking about feeding from them."

"Wh-"

My fingers found his chin as I forced him to look at me as I confessed the next words, the truth. I needed him to look at me and understand. "You. I'm either going to kiss you or feed from you and I really need you to kiss me."

What happened next, I truly wasn't expecting. The vampire inside of Damon came out, the veins winding around under his eyes, the fangs extended and the red in his eyes warning me of the lust that he was attempting to control. Seeing this, my body reacted and we both stood staring at each other with fangs and veins.

That was it.

Slowly, slower than anything else but also not quite lasting long enough my body moved, my lips slipped over his skin, my fangs sunk into his throat allowing Damon's blood to seep into my mouth, hitting every nerve and dancing throughout my body. I moaned and I _felt it, _I felt how Damon's resolve withered away through his blood running in my veins. His arms remained where they were, hiding us from any viewers but his head lowered. His lips smoothed over my skin, made their war up from my shoulder and up to my throat before he breathed in, allowing himself the pleasure before breathing out and building up my arousal as I kept on leisurely drinking from his throat. Damon succumbed into the temptation along with me and I felt the blood being pulled away from me. I had been bitten before. Damon had bitten me, Stefan had bitten me, and Klaus had bitten me. It had never felt like this. Before it had hurt, it had felt like my throat was on fire as the blood was being forced out with the sharp piercing of the fangs puncturing my skin. This time it was different; it was pleasurable, it was intense, far more intense than sharing a feed with Damon was, more intense than the need for blood.

I retracted my fangs and rested my mouth on the skin on the lower part of his throat, reveling in the high of Damon's blood firing through my body as he continued to feed whilst his moans kept vibrating against my skin.

"Elena," Damon's ragged voice came through, reminding me of where we were. His lips continued to move, leaving the lightest of kisses against my throat until the marks of his bite had vanished away. We stayed in our embrace for longer than I cared to admit, we did not move until Matt coughed beside us and said that the Grill was getting near closing time. We let go of each other. Damon took a step back and I guiltily looked up towards Matt and although I already knew how he would be looking at me, with shame and confusion, when I did see those emotions flashing out of his features it crumbled me. I staggered backwards, began shaking my head and mumbling a rejection over and over again. I kept wondering why and how I could have let myself go this far, how I could have allowed Damon and me to dissolve within our temptation. Damon followed me out of the Grill and we found ourselves in the alley out back as Damon attempted to calm me down but he was just as flustered as I was as he could barely get his words out. "Elena. I – I need – We need to talk about this. What is this?" He slowly mumbled, hoping that either one of us could answer his question, hoping that it wasn't going to end in the way he knew it would. I was stunned at that time, I kept trying to figure out when Damon would flip out but he never did. He stayed as calm as he could and a realization came over me; he was attempting to stay calm to help me and the guilt built up as my heart fell.

"I...I don't know. My mind is just…." I stuttered as the threat of tears came and I needed to escape, I needed to be away from him before I could have had the chance to do something else that I probably wouldn't truly regret until I would have seen Stefan and wonder how hurt he'd be by my betrayal. I choose him, I made the decision to be with him and I had to stick with that choice before I could have hurt either of them any more than I already had. Damon was hurting; I had chosen Stefan again, I had died, I had been transformed into a vampire. Stefan was hurting because he could sense that something had changed, he knew that I wasn't the same person anymore. We all had that knowledge but no one truly acknowledged it because that would mean change and we had grown scared of change, already having experienced enough of it during the past two years. Any time we were together, Stefan made sure that there was either a distinct distant between and behaved as a polite gentleman or we'd do anything we could to convince ourselves that our relationship wasn't changing, that I wasn't changing. We'd stay in bed for hours but nothing ever mattered because we were never successful in convincing ourselves, and yet neither of us had confided with the other about what we were going through. We were too afraid of where that conversation would inevitably lead so we avoided it as best as we possibly could.

"Can we just not do this right now, Damon?" I whispered, not daring to speak any louder under the fear that I would break. We had crossed a barrier that we couldn't go back from but I tried my damned hardest to believe that it was not true.

As soon as I felt that I could bear walking away from him I took three steps but that's all I managed to do before his fingers lapped over my wrist, keeping my body still. "Elena…"

I took a sharp breath and forced myself not to look at him, "We should get back."

His fingers slipped away and I began to make my way back to the Boarding House as the lack of his presence haunted me, I allowed myself to look behind me. He wasn't there.

I couldn't stop the tears from slipping down this time, I had no one to hide from until I reached the Boarding House.

The pure frustration of experiencing lust, guilt and sadness during a short time forced my steps to increase in pace and power as I kept making my way to the Boarding House. As I finally walked through the door, my body almost flew to Damon's stock of bourbon and a mere second before I was to about to drink I heard gasps from inside the room, bodies quickly moving and coming closer so I threw the bottle at the nearest person without looking which resulted in Caroline's voice screeching, "Elena!"

Her voice shook something inside of me and I suddenly realized who else was in the room; Stefan and Jeremy. I turned around and I saw the same expression on all their faces; fear. They were afraid of me or they were afraid for me, I couldn't tell. Maybe it was a mixture of both. A sudden realization and pure hunger had be running to the basement fridge. _Blood. _I was in the middle of tearing into a bag with blood already pouring down from my chin and flowing onto my clothing with tears freely falling as Caroline and Stefan barged in prepared for a fight. And then Jeremy came in, with a crossbow aimed at me. My body reacted before I had the opportunity to gain a rational thought, I lunged at him and tore into his shoulder before my entire body began to burn from the inside out and I felt my body falling to the floor. I wanted to cry, to apologize but I was fighting against the vervain that I had consumed but the vervain that Jeremy had also managed to inject me with and with every second that passed, the fury within me kept magnifying.

As I was hurled on Stefan's shoulder and being carried to wherever he was planning on taking me, I heard Damon's voice and despite the fact that my entire body was struggling and his voice was to be heard like nothing more than a murmur, the anger in his voice was unmistakable. "What the hell is going on here?!"

And despite what had happened, despite that my feelings for him were the very thing that drove me into a crazed vampire, all I wanted was for him to be the one carrying me.

* * *

"Stefan, you have to talk to her." Caroline's voice carried through my vervain fueled sleep. "Ask her what's going on!" I beat the temptation to move, not only was my curiosity getting the better of me but flashbacks of what had cause my vervain sleep haunted me and I couldn't bear the thought of facing anyone I knew, let alone Stefan.

"I can't." Stefan sighed admittedly, I could imagine the sunken features of his betrayed and heartbroken face. I bit my lip harshly, fighting back my tears and hoping that either of them would not notice.

"Why not?" Caroline demanded, knowing what Stefan was going through but being her usual self and helping him to come to terms with his own problems.

"What if there is?"

"If there is what, Stefan?"

They were silent for a while, Stefan's shaken breath came out as he forced the confession from his lips, "Something going on."

That was the problem, wasn't it? Something was always going on, something always had been.

* * *

**Hope you enjoyed! Don't forget to let me know what you think, it always helps.**


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